8... Cornrowian tightweaveamus

Family:

LOSERIUM

Genus:

Cornrowian

Species:

tightweaveamus

Common Name:

Professional basketball player

Subcategories:

Cornrowian straightisimus: Standard cornrows exposing the scalp in straight lines.

Cornrowian zigzagamus: Adding a little pizzazz, standard cornrows can be transformed into lightning-bolt precision, thereby adding more time to the process, but apparently well worth the compliments.

Afrosian inbetweenamus: This is the idle time that elapses while letting the afro grow; or in-between weaves.

Afrosian hairpickamus: Nearly extinct since the early to mid-80’s, but still spotted from time to time, A. hairpickamus is distinctly identified by the hair-pick-comb that is strategically placed and anchored somewhere within the afro, usually both anatomically posterior and inferior, while on either side of the head.

Probably Evolved From:

Cornrowian tightweaveamus began evolving in the late-60’s to early-70’s, but the most significant developments have occurred over the last twenty years, when closely-related species began evolving to think beyond the Arsenio Hall-fade.

Close Affiliations:

Uncleanium dreadlocksimus, Pantus ondagroudamus, Haveanattitudean entitlementimus

Don’t Confuse With:

A very cute school-aged African American girl whose mom braided her hair with beads and dressed her up nicely for the school pictures taken earlier that day.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

Wondering why “the man” is keeping it down, all the while doing nothing useful in the meantime.

Approachability:

Very unpredictable; C. tightweaveamus can range from teddy-bear to thuggish in both appearance and attitude.

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

To be a professional basketball player; or maybe belong to one’s entourage of ‘homies’; or their posse.

Reality:

Usually becomes a thug of some degree.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

Keep your hair short and clean.