30... Gradeschoolbullyium isnowacopimus

Family:

CHEESEBALLION

Genus:

Gradeschoolbullyium

Species:

isnowacopimus

Author’s personal note:

From experience, every single bully that I’ve encountered in my lifetime now holds a job in varying degrees of law enforcement. Of course that’s not meant to imply that every law enforcement officer was/is a bully, it’s simply an acknowledgment of fact based upon my-own experiences.

Common Name:

Officer Unfriendly, corrupt cop

Subcategories:

Enjoyscontrolium toobadforyoumus: This breed of species may have once been the popular jock in grade-school that gave you a wedgie in the boys’-room for not having any lunch money to contribute that day.

Probably Evolved From:

Grade-school bullies longing for control that eventually parlayed the one thing they were good at in life, specifically the ability to make mere mortals tremble at the very site of them, into a career where a uniform and/or a badge trumps any insubordination to the ideals upheld by said bully.

Close Affiliations:

Barbedwirean onda-armimus

Don’t Confuse With:

A non-corrupt, patient police officer who presumes innocence instead of guilt and has no underlying tendency to control those around him that are acting lawfully.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

Gradeschoolbullyium isnowacopimus may have once been a slightly nocturnal creature that preferred to work solo as a bouncer in a local nightclub while honing its skills and/or attitude in the pre-evolvement period. Post-development, however, it shows an inclination to prowl in a pack. This can easily be routinely observed within the city-limits of any smaller-sized town throughout America by closely examining routine traffic stops that would otherwise not require any backup, yet a bevy of G. isnowacopimus’ are now endangering the lives of citizens while flying by you in squad-cars, lights flashing and sirens blaring, eventually coming to a stop on the side of the road and turning a citation for inadvertently running a red-light into a spectacle that most surely would make headlines in the local morning newspaper the day after; but never does. G. isnowacopimus is extremely sensitive to any passive defiance displayed by a citizen and has a propensity to prematurely pull-out its Billy-club, stun-gun, and/or pepper-spray for the “safety of both he and those around him”, a statement it has come to use many times in frequent depositions.

Approachability:

Usually easily approachable and polite; just don’t get pulled over by it on a bad day.

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

To exceed its monthly quota.

Reality:

Will be convicted of perjury in one or more of its many depositions; but will only get a slap on the wrist.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

Don’t be a bully that enjoys having false control over others.