31... Noshirtwhileyoujogamus yernotmcconaugheyium

Family:

CHEESEBALLION

Genus:

Noshirtwhileyoujogamus

Species:

yernotmcconaugheyium

Common Name:

wannabe, tries too hard, poor man’s (insert celebrity here)

Subcategories:

Pushupsinpublicamus yernotmcconaugheyium: Ummm… Find a gym… or, better yet, do push-ups at home. Don’t, especially if you’re a celebrity who’s photographed on a daily basis, choose to do these exercises on a public beach or in the park.

Newsboyhatium yernotbradpittimus: The standard baseball cap will do just fine. Please remember to wear it straight, either frontwards or backwards; just not cocked to the side and sans price-tag.

Toobigfortightpantsimus yernotakardashianium: Cottage cheese is not packaged in stretched fabric for a reason.

Probably Evolved From:

The culture of today. Celebrities, who hate the paparazzi, but at the same time love them for the exposure, do dumbass things, just like the rest of society. However, celebrities do it in the public eye with a camera snapping pictures of every move they make. The low self-esteem Joe-blow (N. yernotmcconaugheyium) sees Matthew McConaughey in the latest gossip magazine brushing his teeth at the end of the driveway with no shirt on and in his underwear and thinks to itself “How Cool?!”

Close Affiliations:

Tittyfleximum checkmeoutimus, Barbedwirean onda-armimus

Don’t Confuse With:

The celebrity, him/herself. As cheesy as they might be, they are usually given a free-pass on their unfortunate happenings.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

Staying busy pretending to be someone they are not.

Approachability:

Very approachable, especially if of the opposite gender. They appreciate the attention.

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

To be mistakenly identified as said celebrity.

Reality:

Are rarely mistakenly identified as a celebrity and are often laughed at for trying to be one.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

Don’t be cheesy.