20... Chesthairium openshirtimus

Family:

CHEESEBALLION

Genus:

Chesthairium

Species:

openshirtimus

Common Name:

70’s butterfly collar throwback, Austin Powers™

Subcategories:

Goldchanium withamedallion: Feels the need to accessorize copious amounts of chest hair with a gold chain and/or some sort of medallion that gets tangled in the midst.

Wearscrubsimum noundershirtimus: This is the unfortunate surgeon or anesthesiologist that forgoes the simple act of donning an undershirt beneath its operating room scrubs, thereby leaving the V-neck exposing more than you ever wanted to see.

Probably Evolved From:

Back in the day (70’s), I think it was somewhat cool to not only sport a tremendous amount of chest-hair, but to also display it with open buttons and V-necks. I mean, just look at some of the clothes worn back then and you might come to an acceptable conclusion of why this might have become popular. Unfortunately, there are still a few holdovers from that era that refuse to let go of the glory days.

Close Affiliations:

Corvetimi oldmanimus, Baldheadamii inaconvertibleamus

Don’t Confuse With:

Sasquatch… Or the unfortunate individual who happens to wear an undershirt, but is genetically cursed with his own hair-shirt of sorts, with sprouts or hair popping out the neck region of the undershirt from both the front and backside.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

Reliving the glory days vicariously through Magnum PI™ reruns.

Approachability:

Generally approachable and polite, albeit a bit cheesy.

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

To land a coveted role on That 70’s show™.

Reality:

Will ultimately meet your mom and become your stepfather.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

Simple… Wear an undershirt.