14... Carradioxium loudisimus

Family:

LOSERIUM

Genus:

Carradioxium

Species:

loudisimus

Common Name:

thug, pretty-fly-for-a-white-guy, dumbass

Subcategories:

Secondhandium rapimus: Prefers rap and hip-hop: Fancies bass over treble: It matters not whether there is profane language in the lyrics, only that everyone within a 150-foot radius can both hear it, see it, and/or feel it’s vibrations. May also have monster-truck size wheels mounted under a standard old-school Buick™ sedan, which is a popular look.

Secondhadium rockimus: Old School: Prefers treble to bass: Likely still drives a Camaro™.

Probably Evolved From:

Lack of attention in early childhood.

Close Affiliations:

Pantus ondagroundamus, Pimpmyrideamus bigfatspoilerium, Spinnerrimsium cantpaydarentimus

Don’t Confuse With:

Those that listen to the car radio at somewhat high decibels, but with the windows rolled-up, unaware and [would be] slightly embarrassed if they knew that you can actually hear the music outside the car.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

Loitering or cruising parking lots along the popular drag in town, just dying for someone else to notice it.

Approachability:

Usually very polite, but sometimes has difficulty conversing due to being hard of hearing.

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

If it grows out of this phase, good. If not, bad.

Reality:

Never really gets a good grasp on the proper volume of music to be played in a car with the windows down, resulting in appearing to be a dumbass well-on-through adulthood.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

If alone in your car, pretend that you are the only one that needs to hear your radio. If you are male and another male is riding in the passenger seat, especially if you’re driving a Jeep™ with the top off, then go ahead and turn the radio up a little, but please [for the love of God] both of you leave your shirts on.