19... Personalizedtagimum ondacarimus

Family:

CHEESEBALLION

Genus:

Personalizedtagimum

Species:

ondacarimus

Common Name:

It ain’t easy being cheesy

Subcategories:

Corvettimi oldmanimus: Nine out of ten people that actually buy a Corvette™ are late-middle-aged men going through midlife crises. Many times these people have some underlying degree of P. ondacarimus.

Baldheadamii inaconvertibleamus: In an effort to control wind-turbulence and the resulting hair issues, this species of animal can often be seen cruising the highway with the top down, but with all of the windows up, often unaware that its comb-over flap is still blowing helplessly in the wind. Also, and very-much dependent on the underlying degree of midlife crisis that is present, B. inaconvertibleamus may sport the unfortunate combination of a pony-tail and earring to compliment the overall balding look.

Highschoolia doesntknowbetterimus: This is the high-school student that is yet to figure out that life is not about how much attention you receive. Unaware, and at an unfortunately tender age, it chooses to get a personalized license plate.

Richandfamousii butstillaloneamus: Unlike H. doesntknowbetterimus, it should know better; however, it doesn’t. And all of the wealth it may accumulate does nothing to quell the loneliness that evolves over time as a result of putting itself first and others last.

Goldchainframeum arounddatagamus: This is basically jewelry for a license plate… Unfortunate and unnecessary.

Probably Evolved From:

The insatiable desire to be noticed, compounded over time, coupled with the inability to abstain from paying only $25 extra to register an automobile. It may also have evolved from an inadequate amount of attention and/or hugs as a child and a subsequent, almost understandable desperation to be noticed as an adult.

Close Affiliations:

Distant relative of Pimpmyrideamus bigfatspoilerium (or may have once been).

Don’t Confuse With:

The unfortunate individual who received a random combination of numbers on their standard-issue license-plate courtesy of the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. The odds of this happening are comparable to winning the lottery, but it does [indeed] occur from time to time.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

If Personalizedtagimum ondacarimus is fortunate enough to have inherited enough hair to avoid the dreaded comb-over later in life, you may be able to observe it on any-given day, be it cold, windy, or soon-to-be stormy, riding along in its convertible automobile with the top down while blaring Boys of Summer with its Wayfarers™ on. If you’ll notice, P. ondacarimus is almost always alone when doing so. If balding and sporting the comb-over, it will usually leave the top up or drive a non-convertible sports-car, such as a Viper™, while letting you know from the license plate that its car is “VENOM-S”.

Approachability:

Usually very tame and willing to converse with anyone who will listen.

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

Can reach any level. There are many that are CEO’s of large companies. Cheesy knows no limits.

Reality:

Despite being wealthy, P. ondacarimus will usually be alone (after multiple failed marriages) because nobody can stand to live with someone that desperate for attention.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

Go with the standard-issue license plate.