Family:
LOSERIUM
Genus:
Spinnerrimsium
Species:
cantpaydarentimus
Common Name:
Backstreet Boy™ wannabe
Subcategories:
Canaryellowmus hummerean: Has spinner rims on a canary-yellow Hummer™, as if the fact that it was “canary-yellow” and/or a “Hummer™” wasn’t cheesy enough.
Rimsworthmorean thandacarimus: Basically polishing up a turd, this species of animal spends more on the rims than what the actual car is worth.
Probably Evolved From:
The insatiable desire to appear as if the automobile is moving at all times, even when parked.
Close Affiliations:
Pantus ondagroundamus, Neonlightium undercarimus, Coffeecanimus mufflerinium, Carradioxium loudisimus
Don’t Confuse With:
The dislodged, rolling hubcap originating from an automobile that unfortunately hit the pothole nearby.
Preferred Everyday Activity:
Spending endless amounts of money on its automobile, but somehow not being able to pay the rent or for its-own health insurance.
Approachability:
Can be hazardous due to the difficulty in determining whether or not the automobile is stationary or moving.
Ultimate Life’s Potential:
To one day be on MTV’s™ Cribs® pointing out the “dope” rims on its Escalade®.
Reality:
“Would you like to super-size your order today?”
How to Avoid Becoming One:
The rims that come “stock” on any-given car are usually good enough to both appear acceptable and function quite well.
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