13... Coffeecanimus mufflerinium

Family:

LOSERIUM

Genus:

Coffeecanimus

Species:

mufflerinium

Common Name:

idiot, dumbass, Porsche™-wannabe

Subcategories:

Purslikeaporschean butitsapintonium: Tries to spice-up a not-so-sporty automobile by attempting to make it sound like a sports-car.

Revsitupimus atredlightsium: This particular breed of dumbass usually has nothing better to do while stopped at a traffic light than to rev up the engine, which makes the ridiculous muffler hum even louder.

Probably Evolved From:

Stupid movies like The Fast and the Furious™ that glorify overt losers.

Close Affiliations:

Pantus ondagroundamus, Pimpmyrideamus bigfatspoilerium, Coffeecanimus mufflerinium, Carradioxium loudisimus, Spinnerrimsium cantpaydarentimus

Don’t Confuse With:

The standard muscle car of the 1980’s / early 90’s. If confused as to whether or not it is Coffeecanimus mufflerinium, simply check the glove-box for brass knuckles, a staple for an ass-kicking mullet-wearing generation X’er.

Preferred Everyday Activity:

Generally content with cruising around town, both looking and sounding like an idiot. Ironically, C. mufflerinium may also have varying degrees of distant cousin Carradioxium loudisimus, which one might logically deduce would make its automobile even louder; but [somehow] this coexistence counterbalances the obnoxiousness otherwise displayed by the singular counterpart, thereby both imitating and enhancing the work of a conventional muffler by indirectly muffling the purposefully loud hum originating from the actual muffler, itself.

Approachability:

Easily approachable if you make sure to use the word “yo” before and immediately after each sentence in your dialogue. You might also end every three sentences with the question “Ya know what I’m say’n?”

Ultimate Life’s Potential:

To secure an “extra” role in the threequal 3 Fast 3 Furious.

Reality:

Rarely makes anything significant of itself, despite potential.

How to Avoid Becoming One:

Stick with the standard muffler that comes “stock” on your car. If you must replace it, please resist the urge to go ghetto-chic.